Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
