I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
