how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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