What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize