So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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