Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
