hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
