I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
