We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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