I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
