there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
