his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
