I showed him my bush... on skype.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You dont lie about slip and slides
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
