omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize