If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
