Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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