You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
