Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
