I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
