My Higher Power is John Stamos
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
