i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
