Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
