i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
