508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
