That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
