I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
