There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
