Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
