remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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