ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
