we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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