I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
