after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
