She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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