I can't watch pbs sober anymore
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
