Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
