I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is it because I queefed?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
