shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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