ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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