even my farts smell like vagina
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
