Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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