he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
