I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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