census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize