I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
