somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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