I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize