i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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