You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
