hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize