I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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