I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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