So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
