u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
