I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
