Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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