He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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