I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
