thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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