god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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