Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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