Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
