mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize