TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
