So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
