We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
