i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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