I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
