I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize