so explain again why im purple
no
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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