Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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