If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
