In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize