I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
