Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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