the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize