It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
