I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
