I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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