ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
