Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
