there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
How's work?
Spinning.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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