the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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