just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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