i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize