mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize