is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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