We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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