I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
