I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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