I cockslap morals
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize