I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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