Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
