I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
