you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize