I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
