I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
