At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
