i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
