I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
